Grammar vs. English

Yes, even a man who strives to love his life well puts his foot in it from time to time...

NOT the bride of this story!

The home schooling wife was getting ready to grade her daughters' schoolwork. "Emma, bring me your grammar, please."

The home schooling dad, sitting on his duff and flipping through the paper, suggests, "I think we should call it English instead."

"Why's that?" queried his beloved bride.

"Because grammar's are old and wrinkly," brought back the husband who had hoped for a chuckled groan.

But then...

It's amazing the things that can happen in one one-hundredth of a second, the time it took the last sound wave to travel the fifteen feet from his tongue to the ear of his bride, for as soon as that last wave had passed his lips, the husband recalled that his beloved bride had become a grandmother just over a year earlier.

Temporal distoration set in, and all began to move in slow motion. As our hero's teeth began to clench and his eyes to wince, he could see the nanosecond when that last sound wave entered the ear drum of his wife and registered deep within her cerebral cortex. In the next picosecond, the wife's eyes became as big as frisbees and her mouth opened like a lionness about to bite upon the throat of some doomed yak. Really, it's amazing how fast a head can turn. As the husband's mind flashed with the thirty hiding places he could not get to fast enough, the wives eyes fixed upon him and turned him immediately to stone.

Anybody have the number to FTD?