Keep your promise!

Howdy, gents.

Racing toward another volatile election, the airwaves continue a non-stop bombardment that this election will prove a pivot-point for our nation. While I won't dismiss the importance of the November vote, it's not the man in the White House that will determine our nation's future. It's the man in the mirror.

The other day my son watched a program on ESPN about the murder of a youth on the streets of urban Chicago who promised to be the next basketball phenom. The piece pulled on heartstrings but failed to address the prime failing in our urban jungles, the disintegration of the family. Let's aim the scope with a bit more precision because most of the time the disintegration of the family occurs because the man (husband, father) refuses to act the man, refuses to shoulder his responsibility, refuses to fight his temptations, and refuses to honor his vows, his covenant to his wife and to his God.

I can sit hear, fingers pecking away, and plead that you should love your wife. I've done that plenty and will continue to do so because God's word tells us to do that, but telling you to love your wife will have as much impact on your family as our next president will have upon our national throes because what we are as a nation depends not so much as who's at the top but upon the quality of the people.  Likewise, who I am as a husband, father, and friend depends upon the quality and treasures of my heart. There is only one way to change a heart, let God do it.

A lengthy passage from Ezekiel, but let it resonate:

Therefore say to the house of Israel, Thus says the Lord God: It is not for your sake, O house of Israel, that I am about to act, but for the sake of my holy name, which you have profaned among the nations to which you came. And I will vindicate the holiness of my great name, which has been profaned among the nations, and which you have profaned among them. And the nations will know that I am the Lord, declares the Lord God, when through you I vindicate my holiness before their eyes. I will take you from the nations and gather you from all the countries and bring you into your own land. I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean from all your uncleannesses, and from all your idols I will cleanse you. And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules. You shall dwell in the land that I gave to your fathers, and you shall be my people, and I will be your God. And I will deliver you from all your uncleannesses. And I will summon the grain and make it abundant and lay no famine upon you. I will make the fruit of the tree and the increase of the field abundant, that you may never again suffer the disgrace of famine among the nations. Then you will remember your evil ways, and your deeds that were not good, and you will loathe yourselves for your iniquities and your abominations. It is not for your sake that I will act, declares the Lord God; let that be known to you. Be ashamed and confounded for your ways, O house of Israel.

As is true for Israel, so true for man today. A man may will to do, he may try to do, but in the end, he will reap frustration (Romans 7:24). He will remain a self-absorbed, self-impressed, self-loving husband, father, and friend. Only the power of God in a redeemed life can impel and motivate a man to love another as Christ has loved him (John 15:12-13) and to lay down his life for another, especially his wife (Ephesians 5:25).



Dinesh D'Souza

This is why Maggie Gallagher's story of Dinesh D'Souza (here) and stories like it are particularly grievous. "Is it a bad thing that I am engaged before my divorce is final?" Might I ask why a Christian is divorcing his bride in the first place?

Yes, I know, sin can ravage any marriage. Yes, God did provide a wafer-thin avenue for divorce when a spouse has shown disregard and contempt for the vow that they have made. At the same time, when a man loves the Lord his God with all his heart, all his soul, all his mind, and all his strength, he will love his wife as Christ loved the church, and if he so does, I contend that his wife would be hard pressed to leave her man. If a man pursues his woman with so compelling a love, divorce rates will shrivel in the land.

Here's how Ms. Gallagher closed her essay.

After all, is marriage such a horrible cross to bear?

With marriage, you choose one woman. You promise to love just her the way that God loves everyone, until death do you part.

So love her. Keep your vows close...Show your children, show other people's children, that in this too-swift race between love and death, which is all that our lives are, that love can be trusted.

If Christians could just do that and nothing else, it would transform our culture.

If we cannot do that, I fear, nothing else will.

I couldn't have said it better myself. Husband, love your God.  Love your wife.

B. B. Warfield: Loving through thick and thicker

Gents, you've heard me say over and over (and over and over) that loving our woman depends not one iota upon what she can give in return. In his blog, Randy Alcorn discusses the life of the great theologian Benjamin B. Warfield. This is a man who did not sacrifice his marriage on the altar of ministry.

Soak it in here.

Here's where many go astray, they think that marriage is not "Kingdom work," that training up your children is not "Kingdom work," and that toiling in the field as a farmer or behind the desk as an accountant or in the classroom as a teacher is not "Kingdom work." Whether we eat or drink or whatever we do, we are to do all to the glory of God. When we give a cup of water to the least of these, we have done so to our Lord and Savior.

So love your wife with the love of Christ, with over-the-top, lavish, ridiculous love--all to the glory of God!

Hallmark

Love has little to do 

with moonlight and balconies

and everything to do

with patience, acceptance,

and hanging in there.

Love can't always

move mountains

or change the world overnight,

But it can open its arms

at the end of a long, bad day

and welcome you home

to true belonging.

Love brings a beautiful wholeness.

Nothing else quite compares

with the sense of completeness

that comes from sharing

with that one special person

for a lifetime.

~ Author unknown

While this verse does not mention God anywhere, it drips with his kind of love. Consider the attributes.

• Patient
• Persistent
• Welcoming
• Adopting
• Beautiful
• Whole
• Completing
• Intimate

I might make a single adjustment. Rather than accepting, perhaps "restoring" would be a better word. As God loves us, he saw our wicked, rebellious condition and paid the ultimate price that we might be restored to him through Jesus Christ. He doesn't accept us in our sinful state. No, he cannot tolerate it, cannot look upon us (Habakkuk 1:13), but in his lavish grace, he restores the unworthy to relationship with himself. Far better than acceptance.

Apart from that, I found it a beautiful sentiment for a husband and his bride. Of all places, it was on the Hallmark card sent to me by my mom on the occasion of my twenty-seventh wedding anniversary with Tracy.

As you love your wife as Christ loved the church, let her enjoy these rich blessings that abide within such a love. As she loves you, praise God that he would manifest his love for you through such a treasure as your wife.

Corporal punishment

Okay, husband, time to put on your Dad Hat.  If you're not a dad yet, then put on your I'm-Imagining-I'm-a-Dad Hat. Let's say you tell your son, "Please make your bed." You stated it with sufficient volume that you had no doubt the sound waves carried at 700+ miles per hour to your progeny's ear. His eyeballs, clear and focused, were on your face so you had every reason to believe they saw your lips move at very nearly the same instant that your words tom-tom'ed upon his ear drums.

Now, imagine your reaction if you received the following reactions to your message.

• NADA.  Zip.  Nothing. The head turns back to the iTouch and the current game of Angry Words with Friends. No. Surely not. Laurence Olivier could not have delivered the lines with greater verve and clarity. You know you were heared, but you didn't even get an acknowledgment that you had communicated.  Ignored.

How 'bout this one.

• THE FORGETFUL ENTHUSIAST. "Wilco, pops! Right away. I'm on it. Let me just finish this episode of NCIS-Des Moines." An hour later he's out the door to spend the day with friends. Later you saunter down the hall to get something out of the back bedroom and your eye catches the rumpled heap of a bed as you pass Junior's room. Great intentions. Just gets busy with other things. Distracted like a puppy in a field of butterflies.

Ah, we're just getting started.

• THE SNOW JOB. "Yes, sir." Okay, but you know that the affirmative response has been used in the past to get you off of their back. So you pursue.  "Did you understand me?" "Yes, Dad. I'll get on it." Twenty-minutes later, they haven't moved an inch. No intention of bed making; just pitching answers to satisfy dad's demands.
• THE LAWYER. After twenty-minutes of inaction you poke, "Did you get your bed made?" Up to the bar they stride, "Did you mean today? You didn't clarify the date nor the time of when you wanted me to conclude the bed-making enterprise. Could you get that in writing and notarized for me next time, and I'd like at least twenty-four hours of advanced warning so I can ensure all of the equipment is in place to complete said tasking."
• THE REBEL. No sooner has the message hit the cortex of your child's brain than the word, "No" falls from their lips with nary a change of expression. Eyes locked. Icy defiance.

So how would you handle those responses to your command?

Now the tougher question: Which of these children are you?

Try these commands from your Father on for size.  Most you've heard here before:

"Dwell with your wives with understanding" (1 Peter 3:7)

"Show honor to your wife as the weaker vessel" (Same)

"Love your wife as Christ loved the church..." (Ephesians 5:25)

"...and gave himself up for her" (Same)

"Husbands should love their wives as their own bodies" (Ephesians 5:28)

"Do not be harsh with them" (Colossians 3:19)

"Do not deprive (your wife)" (1 Corinthians 7:5)

"Out do (your wife) in showing honor" (Romans 12:10)

"Comfort (your wife)" (2 Corinthians 13:11)

"Through love, serve (your wife)" (Galatians 5:13)

"Do not lie to (your wife)" (Colossians 3:9)

"And let us consider how to stir up (our wives) to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging (our wives), and all the more as you see the Day drawing near" (Hebrews 10:24b-25)

"Do not grumble against (your wife)" (James 5:9)

How's that for starters? I haven't nearly exhausted Scripture. If you are doing these things, keep on. If not, I ask my question again. Which child are you? What is your reason for bristling against the bit? Are any of the child's excuses valid? Has God left you any loopholes in the above commandments?

Husband, love your God. Worship him. Commit to him.  And thereby love your wife.

A quickie

Back in January, I poured over the first letter of one of Jesus' dearest friends, John. It's hard not to miss his emphasis that if we are truly children of God, we will love his children (the church). Take for example 1 John 3:10, 14, 4:7-8, 20. Over and over he pounds the drum that if we love God, we will love those called by God, and conversely, if we don't love those called by God, then we do not love God ourselves.


Let me provide 4:21 for your viewing pleasure.

And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.

As hard as it is to sometimes love a brother in the church, it is not an option.  God's not asking you to manifest "feelings" that are not present. He is asking you to have affection for this person and to seek their best and their good as far as it depends upon you.  As Don Francisco sang, "Love is not a feeling; it's an act of the will."


Husbands, you probably know where I am going with this. If this is true of my brothers (and sisters) in the church, is it not especially more true of the sister in the church with whom I live and share my life, the woman to whom I am knit by God in the bonds of marriage? 


Consider:

• Am I eager to see my brother in Christ?  Be eager to see your woman.

• Am I burdened to pray for the needs of my brother in Christ? Know and pray for the burdens of your woman.

• Am I patient with my brother in Christ even when his Doc Martens crush my toes? Be patient with your woman and give her the benefit of the doubt that affronts are not intended (even if perhaps they were).

• Do I seek to help my brother with the challenges he is facing by investing time and energy with him? Invest time to help your bride.

• Do you sit with your brother when he is in misery, just to be there for him? Hold your bride close to your bosom when the storms of life (bills, in-laws, children) assail.

• Do you jot a friend an e-mail, send him a text, perhaps drop him a card to encourage him in his walk with Christ? (Are you getting the hang of this?)

• Do you rearrange your schedule to meet with a brother who needs an ear or a word? When's the last time you rearranged your schedule for your woman?

The list could go on. Think on your relationships and your investments with brothers in Christ.  Should your relationship and investment with your wife be any less?

This really hit me as I read through 1 John. As you read through God's word and see him spell out your conduct with others, consider that first of all such conduct should begin in your home and should begin with your bride.

Simply, love your wife.