Wednesday, July 11, 2012

A woman's take on a REAL man



Sometimes figuring out what your woman wants can be as difficult as explaining string theory or figuring out what movies will get nominated for best picture.


Deep down, a godly woman wants a godly man, though she might not say so. How does she need that fleshed out? You'll find that in God's word.

Often, it bears fruit to just listen to your bride. No doubt it will vary from lass to lass, but here's a list from a wife who follows after God to give you some idea. She's doesn't hammer, belittle, or berate men but encourages women to hold out for real men who live by these ennobling traits and characteristics. They are out there.  Here's hoping it's you.

As far as it jives with God's word, be this guy (parentheticals, mine):
    A man who communes with his Creator daily and strives to live a life that glorifies God.

    A man who works long hours and spends his hard-earned wages to care for his family, [care for his church, care for the lost, and care for the poor]. And on occasion treats his family to a Cherry Limeade and Redbox rental.

    A man who reaches down to pick up his little girl when she trips and falls and holds her close until her tears are gone.

    A man who gathers his children around him at night to tell them a story.

    A man who would never go see a movie about a group of female strippers, no matter how many people were saying it was okay.

    A man who researches recipes on the internet and makes a huge and messy meal in the kitchen so his beloved doesn’t have to make supper one night.

    A man who treats the elderly with respect and dignity by listening to them tell stories about their glory days.

    A man who tends to the azalea bushes by the front porch, clipping them down when they need it and watering them morning after morning after morning.

    A man who hops up from his reading when he hears you doing the dishes and gives you a hand [or does the dishes always since she crafts the most sumptuous meals].

    A man who thoughtfully answers every question his little boy has about “why?” and “how?” the world and everything in it works.

    A man who leaves whatever he is doing to help you when your car breaks down.

    A man who gets up at night to fix the baby a bottle while you lay drooling on your pillow [or if nursing, changes the diaper and brings you the baby].

    A man who comes home with the new book you’ve been wanting, and its not even your birthday.

    A man who has trained his eyes to look away from other women, even when they look better than you do.

    A man who is humble enough to grow, long after he has become an adult.

    A man who wants you and finds his satisfaction in you, and you alone, after many years of marriage and fidelity [think "marital plane" and not spiritual absolute; then we would be speaking of God as our sole satisfaction].

    A man with happy wrinkles around his eyes that prove how many times he has smiled at you.

    A man who sets up controls on his computer to avoid even the temptation to look at pornography.

    A man who has dignity and modesty and self-control.

    A man who refuses to speak profanity and hushes others when they use it in your vicinity.

    A man who would give his life for you and the children, in a heartbeat.

    A man who says “I do”…for better or for worse…for richer or poorer…in sickness and in health…forever.

Monday, July 9, 2012

A husband's biggest mistake?

From the other room, I heard a sober "Wow," fall from the lips of my wife. "Check this out," she beckoned. The quote that caught her eye:

A MAN'S BIGGEST MISTAKE 
IS GIVING ANOTHER MAN 
AN OPPORTUNITY TO 
MAKE HIS WOMAN SMILE.

Let's apply it to where to our marriage relationships:

A HUSBAND'S BIGGEST MISTAKE 
IS GIVING ANOTHER MAN 
AN OPPORTUNITY TO 
MAKE HIS WIFE SMILE.

Really my point here is not to argue the greatest mistake or whether or not mistakes equate directly to sin. I would like you to simply let the main idea of the maxim marinate in your mind.

Let's revisit that which we've tried to hammer home in the past. 

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord."
~ Proverbs 18:22

King Lemuel highlighted the same point by driving home that an excellent wife is worth far more than jewels (Proverbs 31:10). Peter's usage of "weaker vessel" also points to the valuable and precious thing that is a wife. If a man is married, he has no greater treasure in this life than the one that lays beside him at night. She is...
    His best friend. 
    His lover. 
    His helper. 
    His completer. 
    His confidant. 
    His comforter. 
    His encourager. 
    His rebuker.
Some might bluster that these are actions of God. Yes. God should be my best friend. I should have no greater love in this life than him. He is described as Comforter and yes, he disciplines. But he is the One who has given man woman on this earth to do and be these things in the physical realm. This is a good thing (or so says Almighty God).


Back, then, to the old saw at the start of the post. Do I so treasure my woman, do I hold her in such high honor and high esteem, do I love her so deeply and so completely that if another man does make her smile, she snickers inside because she has a man at home that does so much more for her than make her smile?


    A man who listens to what she says 
    A man who loves her from stem to stern 
    A man who is tender in a manner that doesn't always lead to the bedroom 
    A man who is strong and will not be domineered
    A man who serves in the home, in the community, in the church, and in his work 
    A man who leads his family and leads his wife
    A man who seeks to satisfy her physical and emotional needs 
     A man who will join his wife in her joys from time to time 
    A man who invites his woman to join him in his
They say that the best defense is a good offense. The best way to prevent adulterous leanings? Have a great marriage now. The best way to have a great marriage now? You be a great husband now! As husbands and wives honor God by becoming one flesh (and ALL that that entails inside and outside the bedroom), they give no place for Satan to do his dirty work, destroy the marriage, and disgrace the name of God (1 Corinthians 7:5).


So husband, love your wife. Go make her smile!

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Proverbs: Tend your walls!

More grim news on the marital front.

I'd love to get away from this and paint pictures of pastel posies, but that's not what's happening in the world. Really, the entire purpose for starting this blog is for it to remind husbands that we are in a war. There is a very real enemy who wants to see you destroyed and neutralized in your relationship with God. One of the greatest ways to cripple you and destroy your testimony is to blow your marriage to smithereens. Consider these posts a bit of a STATREP (status report) on what's happening along the front and a tactics brief for countering the enemy wiles. Some grim markers today:
  • The general:  Baby-boomers are now divorcing at higher rates. Joy. That's older folks in longer marriages bit by bit putting their relationship with their spouse through the shredder. The dismal report here.
  • The closer-to-home: My bride is friends with a woman who shared that two couples she was close to ended their marriage. Both had been married for more than twenty years.
As our culture dismantles marriage one thread at a time, it becomes easier and easier for us to give in to the entropy and let our relationship with our woman erode like a sandcastle before the tide. Which brings me to the Proverbs.

It seems that every year I head back to the Proverbs for a season, starting on the first of the month and reading one of the thirty chapters each day for the entirety of the month, and then as the calendar page turns, I start again the next month. Usually, I'll do this for three months running because their is so much treasure in the Proverbs. I want these little nuggets to become part of the fabric of my being. Today's chapter ended with a crucial brick for establishing a marriage's foundation.

A man without self-control
is like a city broken into
and left without walls. 

~ Proverbs 25:28

Once again, brothers, the issue begins in the heart of the man in the mirror. There can be no success without self-control. Discipline. Going the right way. Doing the right thing. Speaking the right words. And really, you know this full well, if you don't administer discipline yourself, it will eventually be imposed upon you either from the world (1 Peter 2:13-14, Romans 13:4) or perhaps a friend (Proverbs 25:12, 27:17). In either case, discipline comes at God's hand (Hebrews 12:4-11).

If we do not maintain consistent discipline in our lives, like termites in our beams, the walls begin to be eaten from the inside out and often completely unseen.
  • Will you repeat that ribald joke?
  • Will you take a second look at the co-ed you passed in the mall?
  • Will you see where that enticing link will take you?
  • Will you let the words fly from the bow string of your lips deep into the heart of your wife in a moment of anger and frustration?
  • Will you take those dollars because no one will know, no one will see?
The warnings of Scripture abound. Truly, we are without excuse for the things that bring us down. As Rome was not built in a day, neither did it's demise come like lightning. The decay and rot takes root in a moment and grows and infects over weeks, months and years. Soon, the walls fall with nary a breeze.

Will we exercise the courage to say "No" or exhibit our love for God by fleeing when necessary?

Husbands, what have you entertained? Where have you not exercised needful self-control? Repent. Now. Only God can provide the strength and cleansing to rid your castle of the rot and the termites that have done their damage. Only he can restore our walls (1 John 1:9). Then, as you go through this day, choose to serve your Lord with each of your decisions. 
    Glorify him in your work. 
    Glorify him in your living room.
    Glorify him in your church. 
    Glorify him in your bedroom. 
    Glorify him at your keyboard. 
    Glorify him on the highway and in the mall.
    Glorify him with your children.
    Glorify him with your friends.
    Glorify him with your wife.
One great way to be a man of self control is to feed upon the Proverbs. As June draws to a close and July kicks off, would you consider reading a chapter of Proverbs each day through July and August, really letting God speak to you on issues of finance, marriage, work, parenting, the tongue, anger, etc.?

Open your ears to hear. Be a man of self-control so that the walls of your marriage will withstand the onslaught of the enemy and your castle will thereby bring honor and glory to God.

Monday, June 25, 2012

The American Man: Boys who refuse to grow up

Randy Alcorn
Sometimes you just can't say it any better.  Please, men, invest a wee bit of time to READ and consider these words from other men on a national tragedy.


Internet porn and video games

Saturday, June 16, 2012

I wanna be a hero, Part II

Bob Parr, "The Incredibles"
In Pixar's masterful work, The Incredibles, Buddy Pine loves the heroes. He wants to be a hero. When dusted by Mr. Incredible (aka Bob Parr), Buddy takes matters into his own hands. He's going to be a hero. He'll be noticed.


And that's precisely the problem with wanting to be a hero. You get your perspective all askew, and pretty soon you've wreaked havoc on a city and have become jet-engine paté.


When last we met on these hallowed shores, the topic on the table was man's innate desire to do things heroic, a desire knit by God into the fabric of his being. If you so desire, you can catch up by touching here (you can also hear there the song that got me cogitating on the subject in the first place).


There is a huge difference between desiring to be a hero and desiring to do something heroic. The one points inward while the other points outward.


But who doesn't relish praise? In the right context, it's not a bad thing. Consider that even Jesus encouraged his hearers to live in such a way that they might one day hear "Well done, thou good and faithful servant" tumble from the lips of the Father (Matthew 25:21, 23). If my entire purpose in life becomes my glory, I have missed the most important purpose for my life and that is his glory (1 Corinthians 10:31). When one longs for his own praises, he becomes the character in the second verse of Steve Taylor's, "Hero."
    Growing older you'll find
    That illusions are bought
    And the idol you thought you'd be
    Was just another zero.

    I wanna be a hero.

    Heroes died when the squealers bought 'em off,
    Died when the dealers got 'em off,
    Welcome to the "in it for money as an idol" show.

    When they ain't as big as life,
    When they ditch their second wife,
    Where's the boy to go?

    Gotta be a hero.

    Hero!
    It's a nice-boy notion that the real world's gonna destroy.
    You know
    It's a Marvel comic book Saturday matinee fairytale, boy.
Wow. That's a downer. When hall-of-famers end their human race by putting a shotgun in their mouth because they can't cope. When men of God walk into sin by closing the door to counsel the distraught woman ("she needs me, you know"). When Presidents disgrace their office and thereby our nation with a game of White House fellatio. When families lie in rubble because their man didn't hit it big at the poker table when he knew he would, or because the second mortgage went to pay off the pusher to get one more bag, or because the boss (and the police) finally caught up with the money he was skimming from the company's coffers.


Just another zero. But I wanna be a hero. I gotta be a hero.


Wanna? Okay. Gotta? Not really. Desiring to be used heroically by God or to do heroic things is as normal as Blake Griffin defying gravity and hitting 7.9 on the richter scale with a slam dunk that reverberates all the way to Schenectady. Trying to be a hero leads to vanity, self-absorption, compromise, and putting yourself on the throne in God's stead.


To be usable in the hands of God, to be used in any manner he sees fit, it starts with the small stuff because that's where God calls you to be faithful.


-- Tell the truth because you love God, you know he is the source and God of truth (Psalm 119:160), and you want to look like your heavenly Father.


-- Do not steal but give because God is a God who is lavish in his giving and calls us to be the pipeline of his grace and goodness to those starved for such nourishment.


-- Be faithful to your woman because you love God and because God is ever faithful, you long to be like him and please him by remaining true to your wife.


-- Obey God in all the little things. If we cannot be faithful in the small stuff, can we be entrusted at all with the big stuff (Matthew 25:23)?


The real hero is the guy still eager to get home to his wife after work not despite but because of having lived together for 45 years.


He is the guy who has been a faithful and true laborer for his company for fifty years, happy to have and to do his job which he does so with the dependability of the sunrise.


He's the unknown guy who has served on the mission field for 60 years for God's good pleasure.


Really, brother, the best hero, the real Hero in this drama remains unchanged. He's the example for all to follow, the Author and Finisher of our faith (Hebrews 12:2). Verse three from Mr. Taylor.
    When the house fell asleep
    From a book I was led
    To a light that I never knew.

    "I wanna be your hero."

    And he spoke to my heart
    From the moment I prayed,

    "Here's a pattern I made for you.
    "I wanna be your hero. 

    "I wanna be your hero."
Wow, again. The very One who said, "No greater love has any man than this that he lay down his life for his friends," defined heroism with his life. He is the greatest good. He so loved the world that he became man that he might die as a man to save those who would turn to him from eternal damnation. And "To all who receive him, who believe in his name, he gave the right to become the children of God" (John 1:12). Wow.


It is quite likely that the real hero will never comprehend in this life the full extent of his heroics because though he longs to accomplish them, he won't realize he is so doing. It will be the furthest thing from his mind. It will go unrecognized and unheralded, but that never means it will go unseen. 


Be obedient in all things. Live bowed and submitted to our God and King, so much so that when we are finished, we can only respond that we have done our duty (Luke 17:10). We have carried out the commands of our Master.


Then, on that day, the King will call us before his throne. We will go with uncertainty, awed and humbled at the splendor of his glory. Jesus will look into our eyes, put his hands on our shoulders, and with a smile at his lips and a tear in his eye, say, "Well done." Stunned by such proclamation, we will replay the 8-track of our life trying to pinpoint the Super Bowl touchdown or the grenade we fell upon of which he is speaking, only to find that there were no such events. 


With perfect clarity, Christ will recount the tiniest details of the minutest acts that we did for his glory--things we thought so inconsequential, and he will say, "These things you did for me!"


You might not have to dart into a burning home. You may never administer CPR or the Heimlich. You might not score a goal or be asked your opinion by anyone outside your family. Such opportunities are not of your make. You can only be ready to respond, "Here am I! Send me, please." Until then, just do those things God calls you to do and trust him for the outcome. There is nothing more heroic.