With open eyes

If you haven't been there in awhile, one of the greatest verses for husbands to memorize AND live out is 1 Peter 3:7.  In case you have no Bible handy (which is a stupid statement because you're online and a Bible is ALWAYS handy [http://www.biblegateway.com/]; you can even pick your version) here it is:

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with (your wife) according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

If you live this verse out, you will bless your woman and honor your God. At first glance, the verse looks as simple as a well-turned double-play, but when you start to examine the component parts, the intricacies and beauty therein are breath-taking and overwhelming. Unpacking the verse would require a book. Applying it to your life and your woman would require volumes. That's your job. And that takes a wonder-packed lifetime.

Let's hone in for a moment on "dwell with your wife according to knowledge" or "live with your wife in an understanding way." The word live does not mean exist. It means the intimate relationship that is exemplified by the husband-wife relationship. It means that you know your wife.

When's the last time you stepped back and took a look at the things going on in your woman's life? How many plates is she trying to keep spinning? What delights her soul? What has been burdening her heart of late? What does she think about the state of the family? How about the state of your relationship? Is she spiritually fit or spiritually spent? It's so easy to become lost in our work, lost in our ministry, and lost in our recreation that we become utterly lost in our relationship to our wife.

I hate to go "cartoon" on you two posts in a row, but what has taken me way too many words to say gets hit out of the ballpark in two panels by Rick Kirkman and Jerry Scott:

Keep your eyes open, brother, and dwell with your wife with understanding. In so doing, you will love your wife.

First things first

Hope you had a good Labor Day, brothers.

Sitcoms of yesteryear provided great family entertainment because the events with each episode were events lived by everyone.  They provided us an opportunity, really, to laugh at ourselves.  Not so in 2011.  While no comedy on television examines the humor of every day life, retreating into the commode or the jockstrap to find a laugh, the artists on the funny pages have picked up the baton.

Take Zits for example.  It's a strip about a high school sophomore and his two parents.  I don't know if it's funnier for me or for my sixteen year old son.  Why?  Because we can empathize with the characters.  Been there.  Done that.

Baby Blues is another one.  It's the story of a once-married couple (I know, a rarity) and their three kids Zoe (10), Hammie (7), and Wren (1). It makes no bones about the challenges involved in being married, working hard, and raising kids. It delights, sometimes side-splits, and sometimes skewers my soul.

My wife has a Baby Blues page-a-day calendar in our bathroom. This was yesterday's fare:

Gents, I had to think of you. Well, first, I had to think of me, then I had to think of you. Before I ramble any further, consider what these artists are saying about us loving our wives.

Getting any vibes?

There's going to come a day, brothers, if the Lord tarries and if you both live a long life when the kids will be gone and only you and your woman will be left in the house. May I ask you, based upon what you have today, what you will have then?

Too many relationships die when the last child leaves home because that couple's foundation for the marriage no longer exists. It sickens my heart when I see wives whose child or children have an obvious priority over their husband. This is an especially dangerous trap for a mother of youngsters. The baby, the toddler, even the elementary-aged child depends upon us and especially depends upon momma, but the momma who begins to cling to her child with greater tenacity than Linus clung to his blanket has begun to ship her man out of his rightful and God-ordained place in her life (not to mention the self-centered little monster being cultivated when balance isn't struck).

Lest you think momma's the only one susceptible to misplaced priorities, papa can cave to it at exactly the same time. When little ones are in the house, dad's in the earlier days of his career.  That means longer hours and quite possibly a second job.  Busting one's posterior to make ends meet can become habitual.  As the money gets better (if the money gets better) and the hours could possibly slacken, they don't. The woman begins to play second fiddle to his occupation. "We need to pay off the boat." "We won't be able to go back to Cancun this year." "Looks like we might have to start eating at home."  Yikes. Yes, many of us have to work long hours and some have to work two jobs to make ends meet but for many, their occupation has become their mistress.

Gents, you know this. God comes first. In a distant and rightly placed second is the filly you nestle up to every night. The order should be the same for her. When those priorities start to get askew, that's a great time to do what Darryl MacPherson did to his wife Wanda. Call her aside, take her in your arms, dip her to the floor, look into her eyes and plant a kiss on her that will reverberate 'til Thursday.

You lead the family. You lead your wife. God says so (1 Corinthians 11:3, Ephesians 5:23). If things start getting goofy, the only person to blame is the one in the mirror.

So husband, go love your wife--and make things reverberate from time to time.

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NOTE:  In researching this post, I came to find out that the creator of  Zits is one of the co-creators of Baby Blues.  From Wikipedia.

In 1996, Jerry Scott was drawing Baby Blues, a comic strip about raising children he co-wrote with Rick Kirkman. He realized, however, that his profession as an independent cartoonist was limited to whatever joke he could conceive next. A friend suggested he begin a strip about a teenager. Scott heeded the proposition but was unsatisfied with his characters sketches, finding them similar to those of his existing strip. After Scott discussed the issue with his artist friend Jim Borgman, the two corresponded with one another over the next few months and eventually collaborated on the characters that would become the Duncans. King Features, already distributing Baby Blues and Borgman's editorial cartoons, began running the new comic strip in 1997 with Scott writing and Borgman drawing.

Considering the quality of the two, I'm not surprised.

Cool water

"Like cold water to a thirsty soul, so is good news from a far country."

Proverbs 25:25

You parched for some good news? Yeah, me, too. So why don't you bring it?

If you don't bring it, the bad will creep back in. Give it a month. Before the calendar flips to October, my guess is that 50% of you will have heard about some couple that you know who junked their vows. I hope I'm wrong, but I've heard about one every two months where one or both has pitched out of the union. Brothers, there's TONS of bad news out there.

But you know what? There's TONS of good news. Marriages are succeeding. Marriages are thriving.

If my addition is correct, my dad and mom cleared 44 years together before Dad went home to be with the Lord.

My last grandma, Rosina Runnoe, just died. She was 96. Her husband, Vincent, died eight years ago. He was 91. Her first and only husband.

My bride and I met Lou and Evelyne back in 1993. Dear friends. Ev just posted on Facebook with a delighted heart, "Happy Anniversary to my best friend and love - 18 years today. The Lord has truly blessed me with a wonderful man." When I read that, my heart soared!

Jeff and Mary Anne are on the fat side of 27 years!

Justin married Heather. They divorced amid the selfishness of their youth. Shortly after, God convicted them and rekindled what they had snuffed out. Their marriage continues to flourish in their love for one another and in their love for their Messiah.

It thrills my heart to know, to really know, that Brian loves Kim, Kevin loves Kathy, the other Keith loves Teresa, Lukus loves Liesl, Jeremy loves Tiffany, Drew loves Alicia, Rob loves Ginny, Terry loves Patti, Jeff loves Maureen, Thom loves Liz, Roy loves Bonnie, Milt loves Michelle, Ross loves Nancy, Adam loves Robyn, David loves Kristi, Dwayne loves Karen, Alan loves Carolyn, Albert loves Anna, Steve loves Beth, John loves Christi, Dave loves Dawn, Tommy loves Jennifer, Brady loves Karen, Jess loves Lisa, Neal loves Trish, Tim loves Sarah, and Houston loves Tami. No slights or omissions intended. Blessed to know so many of you who love your wife, not perfectly, but in a manner that honors God and well pleases him.

Do you love your wife? Has God truly blessed you with your woman? Brother, share your joy with a friend. There is no better news along the front than to hear about victories in other sectors. When carnage abounds and casualties litter the battlefield, it's like a cup of cool water to hear that a brother loves his woman.

A couple thoughts:

• Facebook. Yeah, FB is kind of cheesy, but when you clear a milestone with your girl, tell the world! Don't be ashamed, neither be boastful, but rejoice in what God has done in, through, and for you.

• Talk. Many women think that we are monosyllabic in our speech to one another. Some women don't think men speak to other men at all apart from bumps, grunts, or "dude." That's fine. Should you work your way beyond the Rangers comeback against the Angels, if God has nourished your relationship with your woman, share the good news of what God has done. You might even get into the how's and why's. It might really be a boon to a struggling brother.

• Pray. You cannot pray enough for your bros in their relationship with their woman. When you have done such a thing and you cross paths with that bro, tell him you've been praying for him and Estelle (or "his woman" if you can't remember her name).

It's been a tough couple years on the marital front as we have seen Satan win victory after victory. It's time to start spreading the good news about what God's doing in marriages.

It's time for us to see the good thing that God is doing in our marriages that we might turn it back to thanksgiving to God. That is, after all, his will for our lives (1 Thessalonians 5:18).

Pray with her

Show of hands.  When's the last time you knelt down with your woman and had focused prayer with her? Okay, maybe you didn't kneel.  Maybe you just sat beside her. Dispense with the format and focus on the heart of the question.

I stand convicted by my own query.

There was a time when my bride and I prayed together nightly. Did we purpose in our hearts to stop praying together? Certainly not. The dark side has a great way of distracting our minds and our purposes to neglect the things of highest importance. Really, can you think of anything greater that you can do for your family than to pray with your woman to Almighty God for them?

You will feel foolish. You will feel foolish because you know you should have been doing this long ago but haven't. You will feel foolish because you fear what she will think of you. You will feel foolish because you think your prayers sound stupid. It matters not what you think or feel. God commands you, brother, to be the head of your wife, and that means that you must lead her spiritually, you must lead her before the throne of God's good grace.

You want to see what the Bible has to say about prayer?  Go to Biblegateway, hit the tab on the side that says "Keyword Search," type in "pray," and start studying.

What things can you pray about with your woman?

• Worshiping God
• Praising him for his attributes
• Thanking him for his blessings. Name them one by one. No general "thank you God for your blessings."
• The salvation of your children
• The wisdom to train them in the way they should go
• That as your children seek their independence they might run headlong into another person who will continue to plow the word into their lives
• Pray for their spouse even if your child is just conceived!
• Pray for your wife
• Pray that Christ would be foremost in her life
• Pray that she would minister God's good grace to other women in the church and to the lost she might encounter day in and day out
• That God would protect your marriage
• That God would continue to knit you and your woman together with greater and greater bonds
• That God would help you be a servant to your family
• That God would help you to minister the word to your family

You get the idea? It's not an exhaustive list. How long could you be praying with your wife? Hours, really. And there may come a time for that in your family. Right now, just get started. Worship God together. Give him thanks for each other and your relationship and his work in your lives and marriage. Petition him for a child.  Tomorrow, lather, rinse, repeat.

Husband, love your wife! 

Treasure II

Few in our day value their wives too highly. Most treat them as common or worse. The family pet often gets more attention and affection. Few wives experience husbands who show them honor or who dwell with them in an understanding way (1 Peter 3:7).  Few wives ever know the blessedness of being loved of their husband as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25) or being loved of their husband as he loves his own body (5:28).

As with most things, the opposite extreme poses perilous problems of a magnitude at least as great.  What do I mean? For some, their bride has become an idol.

Make no mistake, God commands husbands to have the highest concern, the highest love, the highest passion for their woman. But there is one thing higher still, the love he is to have for God.  Consider,

• It is the greatest commandment (Mark 12:28-29) with the loving of one's neighbor running second (v. 30).
• Jesus warned of the supreme danger in placing anything before our thirst for him to include our wife (Luke 14:25-27).

My love for my woman must flow from my love for God. If it flows independent of my love for God, that affection has taken a higher priority in my life than my affection for God. Because I passionately love and submit myself to Almighty God I am able to love my wife with the love God demands while not allowing it to become idolatrous.

How's that flesh out.  Here are some thoughts.

God will never call me to love her ahead of him. Because I love him and seek to honor him with my life, I must live Ephesians 5:25 and 1 Peter 3:7.  These are the glorious works that flow from my faith (Ephesians 2:10, James 2:17-18). If God has given me a particular task and my concern for my bride derails me from that appointed task, she has become an idol to me in the same fashion that money tripped up the rich young ruler when Jesus asked him to go and sell all he had (Matthew 19:21-22).

Perhaps God has called you to the mission field and for whatever reason, you have a passion for the bleak steppes of Mongolia. Your bride has been a city girl all her life and has made it plain that she could never become a missionary. In the past few days, you have learned of a man who would be willing to support fully a couple who would be willing to go and minister to the people of outer Mongolia. He'll even throw in a yurt. What do you do?

Perhaps God has burdened your heart to become a doctor and due to GI Bills and such, now seems like the perfect time to change careers.  Such a shift would require belt-tightening and cost-counting, something that has always made your bride squeamish. Everytime you've tried to get the family on a budget she's bucked and thrashed like a rodeo Brahma.  What do you do?

Perhaps you feel called to military service and have always felt that is where God would have you be. Near the end of your enlistment you get hand-picked for a two-year unaccompanied remote tour to Sobleakistan, an assignment on the cutting edge of your career field and right up your alley. Not only that, but the assignment upon your return is beyond your wildest dreams. The hitch? You feel like your wife depends upon you, that if you were to leave, she couldn't handle the house, the kids, the bills, etc.  What do you do?

Each of those scenarios has you at a crossroads between God's call and your affections for your wife.  Really, there should be a tension.  If you care nothing for your wife, the decision will not be a hard one. If you are deaf to the call of God in your life, you'll have no decision to make.

Gents, I'm not advocating dismissing your wife when it comes to family decisions or even your career decisions, but if appeasing your wife takes precedence over God's leading, there is a problem.

This, like all things, can be taken to an extreme. A man must never excuse workaholism and familial neglect under the guise of "doing God's work." A very real danger for steadfast laborers in the Church both pastorate and laity.

When it comes to idolatry, though, many husbands do not trust God to do his good work in their family through the absence or hardships that come with a purposed decision, and many wives do not trust God to bring blessing through that obedience despite anticipated challenges. You have probably heard, "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." If we live trying to neutralize that threat, then God ain't happy, and truly, that's when nobody will be happy.

Husbands, love Almighty God. Trust him when he leads. When you do, you will be loving your wives.