A spring in her step

Happy New Year, gents!


I was struck this morning by a column that dealt with living what we believed. Do I believe I am a child of God? If so, why do I not live that way? In the midst of the article, the author presented an example that struck me as a husband. Hear the words:

A husband and wife part in the morning for their respective jobs. That woman who is mindful throughout the day that a man out there loves her has a spring in her step. Everything that happens is colored by that love: Minor irritations are less irritating; insults may sting but not destroy; she has a generous spirit as the natural issue of substantial internal reserves.  (Andreé Seu)

The author used the example to flesh out how the Christian should be living based upon the promises and declarations of God's word, but like the examples Christ uses in Scripture that point us to a higher truth, the simple truth should be taking place on this plane as well. Is your woman mindful of your love throughout the day? Does it put a spring in her step?


Or is it a relief to her when you leave for work? Does she dread the clock as its hands move closer and closer to your return home?


If the former, you're likely loving your wife in a manner that pleases God. If the latter, something's broken and needs to be fixed. I don't mean to be trite, but most areas of marital friction and conflict can be resolved by a husband who loves his wife. He will be a man who lives that out in a number of ways:

1. He will consistently reaffirm that love. Say it. Text it. Write it. Do it. Brother, you cannot tell your wife that you love her too much.

2. Exemplify that love. Saying it is one thing. Doing it proves it. If you say that you love your wife but are not laying down your life for her, if you are not loving her as Christ loved the church, if you are not dwelling with her with understanding, your words, texts, and poems will lie meaningless on the floor.

3. Exemplify it in ways that minister to her. Where is she fragile? There build her up. Where is she hurting? There provide salve. You cannot do this unless you know your wife, and that takes us to the next way to live that out.

4.  Communicate. You are the husband. God commands you to lead your wife. If communication has broken down and if your conversations don't head much beyond what's for dinner, you must repair those bridges. Open yourself up by holding your tongue and listening to your bride. Man up and take ownership for where you have fallen, faltered or inflicted pain in the past. You might have no clue. That's okay. Do not take offense at her words; hear them through the grace of Christ, and you will learn. Christ will help you become the man he intends you to be through your bride. But if you are going to put a spring in her step, that will not happen unless you have reopened long-clogged lines of communication.

5. Know her. Once communication is flowing, listen. To live out 1 Peter 3:7, to dwell with your woman in knowledge and understanding, you must know her. Be slow to speak and quick to listen. Take mental notes. Take physical notes. 

If she sees you as one who loves her, who aches to know her, and who really likes her even though you know her, how could she not have a spring in her step? She might not bounce through her day like Tigger, but you can bet her staring at the clock will not be in dread but will be in expectation for the time you walk through the door and she gets to see your face.


2012 is under way. Husband, love your wife!

Brewing a bitter cup

Everybody loves a loophole.

"But officer...

...I didn't see the sign."

...didn't know it was a school zone."

...can't you see I'm pregnant." (A tough one for a guy to use.)

...I'm late to meet with the President."

Despite the passion with which many insert loopholes into Scripture, God's word contains precious few.  Perhaps that's why so many find biblical Christianity unpalatable. No wiggle room. You are or you aren't.  You do or you don't. You will or you won't.

This is especially true for husbands. In fleshing out for the church at Colossae what it meant to live the Christian life (Colossians 3), Paul slaps down on the table a few loopholeless challenges, one aimed right between the eyes of husbands.

Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. (3:19)

No doubt you've heard the first part of that verse before (um, check out the masthead), but as I opened God's word this morning, my brow knotted on the second half of the verse.  "Do not be harsh with them?" It means to not embitter them, not to sour their stomach. What would prompt the apostle to toss in such an admonition? Could be a couple of things.  One, the Colossians could have been notorious wife-abusers. Having never heard such a thing, we can probably dismiss that notion out of hand.

Perhaps men have a propensity to be harsh toward their wives. Hmm. I think that one might reside a bit closer to the mark. Why is that? Let's toss a few generalities. First, men tend to be results oriented. Get 'er done. There's no crying in baseball! You can't get 'er done, we'll get someone else. You know the shtick. Works fine in commerce, politics, athletics, etc.  But that doesn't fare too well with one (the wife) who thrives on relational interchange.

Second, our relationships don't venture into emotional territory. We just don't go there. You're more likely to find a conservative at MSNBC. Just because we don't normally go there doesn't mean that we can't. If we don't consider the emotional difference and if we don't consider our tendencies when it comes to handling problems, don't be surprised when you want her to hear what you said and she just hears your tone. You could have stated that you were whisking her away to Monaco, but your manner left her feeling like your carburetor and not your bride.

Third, we tend to be harsh to our brides because we take them for granted. This is perhaps the easiest trap to fall into, and on the flip side, it's a trap we should never fall into because of the phenomenal gift that a bride is to each one of us. Outside the gift of eternal life in Christ Jesus, I can think of no greater treasure than to have a woman with which to share my days, a woman to love and cherish, a woman to enjoy.  A woman to call my best friend.

That I would embitter her? That I would knot her gut? Paul says "No-no."

You might think he doesn't give us a clue how to avoid embittering our brides, but it is found in the first part of the verse and then throughout the rest of Scripture. We are to love our wives. You want a fleshout of what that means, turn to Ephesians 5:25-32. Love her as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her. Love her as your own body. We are to nourish, care for, and cherish her. That means we treat her with the value that God has given her as HIS princess.

Peter explains that women are weaker vessels than men (1 Peter 3:7), not just physically but emotionally, too. Frankly, I don't care if you don't like that; God's word says it. He created us differently (and whether you want to admit it or not, we've all seen it play out in reality). Look at all Peter includes for men in a single verse.

• Live with your wives. Dwell with them. Be with her--because you want to!
• In an understanding way. You have no excuse for not knowing what makes your woman tick. You should know the minefields and not be purposefully setting them off. DON'T PUSH HER BUTTONS!
• Honor her. The world's not going to do it if she's honoring God. You do it. You certainly don't want another man doing it!
• As the weaker vessel. There it is. She's not going to respond to "Get 'er done!" The sheets will be mighty chilly if that's how you flirt with your woman.
• Coheir with you. You're not better because you're the man. Your role is just different. Besides, you didn't do anything to be the man. You came equipped. That's NOT something to lord over your woman. You will be beside your wife in glory, not over her.
• That our prayers not be hindered. Such bullheaded conduct puts a wedge in our relationship with God.  Bad ju-ju.

Gents, take your bride aside tonight or in the next day or two and ask her first if you're conduct or you're speech has embittered her lately. You may already know this. If you do, man up and apologize. Repent. You have sinned against God toward your woman, and repenting means you have a full-heart attitude to not go there again.

Second, ask her if it is a rare thing or a common thing. Please leave the boxing gloves in the closet. Man up and leave yourself wide open to hear, perhaps, some woeful tales of what you have done to the woman you hold dear. Let her speak. Do not defend. Do not excuse. Listen.

We must give our brides consideration, and that means we must be considerate. Paul tells us succinctly to love our wives and to not embitter them. It will require focused attention to be that man. And please, do not look for an out. There is no loophole.